| We all have to deal with critical people at times. You | | | | the gifts, talents and strengths that you possess. |
| know the type - the person who can spot a flaw from | | | | 5. Be careful about what you share with the critical |
| across the room, gives unsolicited advice, frequently | | | | person |
| complains and passes judgment, is negative and | | | | It's not always wise to share personal or important |
| seems impossible to please. | | | | information with a critic about yourself or anyone else. |
| We can all be critical. Every day, we literally critique | | | | Providing such information is asking for trouble |
| everything that goes on around us consciously and | | | | because critical people often take things out of |
| unconsciously. Unfortunately, some people tend to | | | | context, misinterpret or exaggerate information and |
| verbalize the thoughts many of us have learned to | | | | place a negative spin on ideas or opinions. Learn how |
| keep to ourselves. When things don't go our way or | | | | to discern what you should and should not reveal. |
| we're in a bad mood it is easy to become critical. It's | | | | When in doubt, don't share. |
| true, miserable people prefer miserable company. | | | | 6. Don't join in on criticizing others |
| Critical people actually feel better around others who | | | | It can be easy to fall into the trap of criticizing others |
| share the same negative attitudes. Before we spend | | | | when you're around a critical person. Joining in on the |
| time learning how to cope with other people's critical | | | | criticism only serves to legitimize the behavior in the |
| traits let's make sure we have our own well under | | | | mind of the critic, and the transition into gossip is close |
| control. | | | | behind. Today the criticism is about someone else - |
| It can be quite challenging to get along with a critic, | | | | tomorrow it could be directed toward you. |
| especially when we live, work or attend church with | | | | 7. Limit the amount of time you spend with critical |
| them. Here are 10 tips to help you get along better with | | | | people |
| critical people. | | | | It may be very appropriate to limit the amount of time |
| 1. Understand what motivates people to be critical | | | | you spend with a critic. This, of course, can be difficult |
| Hurting people hurt people. Most critics were criticized | | | | if they happen to be your spouse, parent or boss. |
| themselves as children and did not develop the sense | | | | However, it may be in your best interest to let the |
| of security and healthy identity that can come from | | | | person know that your level of interaction with them |
| positive nurturing. They tend to have a low opinion of | | | | will be based, in part, on their willingness to |
| themselves and consequently feel best (although often | | | | communicate with you in a constructive and |
| frustrated) when attempting to achieve the unrealistic | | | | appropriate manner. If the critic is your spouse you |
| standards they set for themselves and others. Critics | | | | may benefit from consulting with a professional |
| are often motivated by the need to feel better about | | | | marriage counselor. |
| themselves by putting other people down. | | | | 8. Control your response to critical people |
| Understanding their motivation can help us to develop | | | | Pay close attention to how you respond to criticism. If |
| empathy and compassion - two qualities that will help | | | | you tend to react with anger, hurt or intimidation, you |
| you get along with critical people. | | | | will encourage the critical behavior. Critical people are |
| 2. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water | | | | often motivated to behave the way they do because |
| Although critical people often lack diplomacy and tact, | | | | of the response they trigger in others. When you learn |
| they also tend to be able to size up people and | | | | to not overreact, the critic will likely move on to |
| situations accurately. You may be tempted to discount | | | | someone who will. |
| what you hear, but listen carefully to what they say | | | | 9. Try to understand the needs of the critical person |
| because there is often valuable information underneath | | | | The emotional "gas tank" of a critical person is often |
| the sharp edges of the message. | | | | very low. Criticism is sometimes an outward |
| 3. Be willing to confront your critic | | | | expression of an inward need - usually the need to |
| It is not easy to confront interpersonal problems, but it | | | | feel worthwhile and significant. It is surprising how a |
| is typically the best approach. Be willing to tell the critic | | | | sincere compliment, congratulations or demonstration |
| in your life how you feel about the way they interact | | | | of care and concern can improve your relationship. |
| with you. This won't guarantee change, however, by | | | | People with full emotional tanks are the least likely to |
| expressing your thoughts and feelings you are in a | | | | mistreat others. |
| better position to manage your own emotions and | | | | 10. Maintain realistic expectations |
| behaviors. Emotional expression will decrease your | | | | Critical people don't change overnight. Even if they are |
| chances of growing embittered, and consequently, | | | | making positive progress, they are likely to revert back |
| doing or saying something you'll regret. | | | | to their old ways from time to time, especially under |
| 4. Focus on the truth not on the criticism | | | | stress. Realistic expectations will help guide your |
| If someone puts you down, fight the temptation to | | | | interactions and will likely result in a healthier relationship. |
| dwell on the criticism. If there is something you can | | | | This article was adapted from Dr. Linaman's original |
| learn from the message, do so, but then move on. | | | | article copyrighted by Parent Talk, Inc. |
| Instead of dwelling on the negative comment focus on | | | | |